Oops...

Its amazing how everything and nothing happens at the same time...with that said I will be changing a few things up to this blog...stay tuned for videos and product lists (with the occasional personal rant)...Goodnight!

Hmmm....I guess now I'm a housesitter...

Long story short I've recently become a house sitter. It's not as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. I've never even considered watching someone's house and dog's. I actually thought house sitting was a weird thing to do. Let me just say that it takes a whole lot of trust to allow someone in your home. And not just any home...but a really expensive one. Holy moly!

It went ok! It would have been better but their realtor sucks! She's a wolf in sheep's clothing. I've never met anyone that talked so much shit from the first minute she spoke to me. At one point my safety became a concern and even after I spoke to her she made it out to be my problem. So I did the only thing I could do and suggested to the owners that they get a new realtor. Plus, she's just barely trying to sell their house after months of "prep". Prep my ass! She hasn't done a thing!

Back to the point...I got a chance to house sit again this weekend and everything went smoothly. I even got another job lined up for September! Maybe more if I play my cards right!

As for my actual life...I've just swapped some cosmetics I don't use for brushes I need! Only thing I have to pay is shipping!

I've also got a wedding on July 3rd and a few things in between...

Only thing I can't stop thinking about is my goal... I promised myself that if I promoted myself up to Red Jacket then I would go to Seminar. I have till July 4th and am 2 more people away but it's becoming so difficult. I really want to go but I'd rather save my money for new tires and a chance to visit North Carolina.

I have some thinking to do....

Deodorant

So I've been bothered by my deodorant for a little while now...my preferred anti-perspirant is Dove Unscented...but since my Dad accidentally bought Secret Unscented I've been stuck wearing it.

Let me just say...I HATE IT! I smell worse that before I put it on and it doesn't even work! I feel like I have to reapply every hour or so...

Now I know what your thinking...I must have some glandular problem...well I don't. I've been wearing Dove for over 8 years and have never had this problem...and the only reason why I'm not switching back is because I'd hate to waste. And my Dad went out of his way to help me out so it's the least I can do...

I have been wondering if the Dove anti-perspirant that's supposed to help smooth out the skin under your arms work...

If you know...Tell me!

This is not a daily adventure...

This was supposed to be the daily adventures of a broke girl....I'm not saying that I'm not broke...but I certainly don't have an adventure everyday...and since I'm pretty sure your not going to want to know about how boring my day was....I'm going to switch it up a bit. (yes...I'm still saving up for school but I have a few things to work on first)

What I'd like to do is incorporate photos and sometimes reviews to my everyday activities. For example, I tried a new toothpaste that helps with whitening...I took before and after photos and noticed a difference.

I'm also hoping to figure out this whole video thing....as a makeup artist I'd love to show people how to apply their makeup with quick easy steps that make you look AMAZING!!!

I also have a confession to make...I'm officially a Senior Consultant with Mary Kay!!! Don't get me wrong I have an appreciation for all cosmetics but there's something about a company that enriches women's lives. I haven't felt this good about owning my own business in so long! I'm 100% motivated to do more!

Well now that I've said more than I planned I'm off to figure out what to call my blog....

any suggestions?

Published!

I'm so excited! I've just been published as a Professional Make-Up Artist! To some it doesn't mean much but to me its the start of so much more! I got the opportunity to work with this amazing woman that took a chance on me! If it wasn't for her it may have never happened or taken a lot longer... either way this is AMAZING!!! Please feel free to check out my website www.ambarvartistry.com...its under portfolio!
You can also check it out at...http://www.mysanantonio.com/default/article/Kaye-Lenox-work-celebrated-3583983.php

Updates...

So many things have happened in the last 22 days. I don't even know where to begin. I know I started this blog as a daily look into a broke girls life. Since the beginning the goal never changed but the road has had more forks than I can count.
I have 3 different things going on all at once...holy moly! I'm working as a photographer, makeup artist, and beauty consultant for one of the most amazing companies.
With that said...I'm going to North Dakota next month to visit a close friend. While I'm there, we are having a photo shoot. This photo shoot will consist of makeup application and photography. There's also a possibility for me to have a fun color party and sell some product! Here's where it gets complicated, my Mom mentioned the idea of me staying up there for a while longer so I can find more jobs and make some money. I've never lived outside the state of Texas...and the idea makes me a little nervous. The blessing about what I do is the freedom I get to move just about anywhere I want to. The problem is...by doing all of this traveling and moving around am I getting further away from my goal?

I'm also supposed to travel to North Carolina to visit with not only my newest team member but my closest friend. I'm gonna really miss her. I really need to make all of these opportunities work for me...I'm just not sure I know how. Well I know if I just keep the faith and working hard its all got to pay off.

On another note...I'm considering taking a trip to visit someone that I might like...am I crazy?

Oh yeah! I almost forgot...I've got a photo shoot, wedding, and a few makeovers set up before I leave so I'm really hoping business starts to grow!

A few more things to share but I cant remember and I've got to get to bed...Night!

Bullshit

That's it! I'm done! I'm not going to waste my time with prepubescent assholes that can't give you a clear answer. For the first time in many years, I actually admitted not only to myself but vocalized that I liked someone. I DON'T LIKE ANYONE! I never like anyone...and what does he say... I don't know you that well. Well who's fault is that asshole? If you really wanted to know me you would try. Fuck putting me out of my misery, I'll do it to myself. I've told him that I'm looking for a yes or no answer and his evasiveness will be taken as a NO. Don't do me any favors!

Whew! Boy do I feel better.

Fighting Weight

I spent this last week getting my body ready for pain. I did 3 days of legs, 1.5 days of arms, 12 mile walk spread out through 5 days. It was supposed to be 6 days but again time management kicked my ass. This week I'm going to continue with the same leg exercises and walking regimen but I seriously need to get my arms working. In one week I've lost 1.6 Lbs, I know it doesn't sound like much but slow and steady is going to win this race. Only thing is...I can't believe tomorrow is May 1st! I still feel like its February. Where did the last 3 months go? Its all an ugly blur of bullshit!

As for my fighting weight...I'm completely excited to get back to it! I'm finally getting healthy for the right reasons. My back will not only stop hurting but my clothes will fit, I'll have more energy, and I'm pretty sure I'll smile more. I've been forcing a smile for so long, it hurts my face! Haha!

Wish me luck!

By the way, I did get a paycheck from my freelance work but I'm pretty sure they missed a day. It took over 5 weeks and that's fucking ridiculous.

Makeup and change

I spent my whole day today on makeupalley.com. Whew! I uploaded so many photos of products I have waiting to be swapped. As much as I loved the potential of what I can swap, I'm not liking the low ballers. Eh Hem! Ladies... stop trying to swap your cheap ass shit for my high end cosmetics.
Why on earth would I want to exchange my $59 blush for a $15 lip liner? Now I'm not saying that the product isn't any good but I think fair is fair. Why can't we exchange for equal value?

With that said...I'm on a new rampage. My Dad let me in on a few truths.

The truth is... I've gained 40lbs in the last 2 years. For many reasons that I don't feel like exploring it happened. For the last few months I've been trying to figure out what to do. Now 6 years ago I knew EXACTLY what to do. I was always in the gym doing cardio and lifting weights. Loved every minute of it. So why don't I do that again?...you ask. Well, like I said things have changed. I've had 2 back surgeries and lots of grief. Sometimes I cant even get out of bed. So how am I supposed to get up and move?
I've been procrastinating on making my plan so I guess I better get to it.  

Freelance Warning

As a professional makeup artist I have the opportunity to pick and choose what jobs to take. Sometimes I work as a freelance for any company that needs an extra hand for an event. Unfortunately when working for these companies you have to wait at least 3 weeks for a paycheck. Apparently 3 weeks is an ok amount of time to wait but as I look at my calender I realized that I've been waiting for 5 weeks. I'm sure eventually I'll get paid but this isn't acceptable.

What's the point of working as a freelance if you don't reap any rewards for what feels like too long?

My suggestion is to really think about what it is you want for yourself. Don't rely on your freelance pay to live make sure you have a plan B. When your in business for yourself it's probably best to have plans C - Z ready. You never know when you'll need that extra plan.

Eck!

I didn't think it was possible but I managed to take my financial situation as bad as it was...and made it so much worse.
My bank account is negative, service is about to get cut off, and I have no idea when my crappy pay check is coming.
Anyone would think that this situation would be the motivation I needed to get my ASS in CHECK! But once again...FEAR has taken OVER!!!
I'm such a pussy! I know the worse that can happen is nothing. Asking shouldn't be this difficult!
Why the fuck am I so scared? Is it hearing the word "NO"? Is it feeling rejected? Am I just tired of all the bullshit and wishy washy answers I get from what I thought were potential customers? How can I present the perfect package so that no one could say NO? Does such a package exist?

I feel like I've been racking my head trying to reinvent the wheel.

What to do....what to do...

Allergies

Holy Moly! As the winds blew in last night I'm pretty sure they brought some unsavory friends. My head hurts, I have sinus pressure, and feel so lethargic. Oak, mold, and God knows what else is really messing with my day! Is there a way to make sinus medication work faster?

My allergies are contributing to the added anxiety working on my taxes has caused. Which by the way is taking way too long! Should I just claim defeat and hire a professional? My sinus pressure tells me to give up and go to bed. There's just so much to do and no organization available. One minute I'm working on a price list, then looking for the AC adapter to the camcorder, followed by me writing this blog. I cant seem to start and finish anything without getting distracted. Then in between my little assignments I'm preoccupied by making food and doing laundry. Not to mention the workout I'm supposed to have EVERYDAY!

So once again, my inability to get organized has caused havoc! Oh dear!

Where's my fairy god mother? I know she has the answer!

Fashion

So I'm currently on this quest to improve myself. I try to come off as pulled together but holly molly its hard! My immediate goal right now is to fit into every pair of jeans I own. I have no interest or money in investing in another pair of jeans. I'm pretty sure the only pair I wear gives me that mom jean effect and let me say that it's not pleasant to look at. I also look like I don't own any other pieces of clothing. I've been wearing the same 3 boyfriend cut t-shirts with different colored cardigans for months! I'm a what not to wear episode walking! I swear I have a better fashion sense than this....or do I?

Thinking back, I realize that I'm scared of print. I don't know why but I just cant bring myself to wear it. I'm a professional makeup artist that can't dress herself! Haha! Oh dear! On the bright side, I wear black when working so as long as my eyes look fierce I can pass for fashionista! My accessory choices can also be improved. I usually wear the same pair of earrings and necklace with every outfit. I've always envied women that accessorize and match every outfit to their jewelry and purses. Not to say that I couldn't but I wouldn't know where to start. So many choices! All confusing!

As for how my quest of improvement is going... I try to walk 2 miles everyday. It doesn't sound like much but its a start. I've also incorporated intervals. I walk 3/4 of a lap and jog 100m. Again, not much but better than not jogging at all. I'm actually looking forward to the day I jog 3 miles and I'd really like to try crossfit training. Every bit counts right? I just hope I'm motivated enough to keep going. I look for it everyday.

Still saving up for school.

Total not changing... $20

ARG!

I'm not quite sure how to feel today. I woke up with aspirations of having a fun filled day. Then I realized that I have to work tomorrow and still don't have any details. How am I suppose to attempt time management when I don't know what time to be anywhere? Maybe its my fault. Maybe I wasn't clear when I said that I needed details in advance. This is causing a bit of anxiety. I don't feel comfortable working for anyone that can't keep me in the loop. I'm sure this even will turn out just fine but I'm running my own business here! 
As my anxiety builds, I just don't know what to do with myself. Do I go workout my frustrations? Cry? Or sit still and pretend like nothing's wrong?

Of course constant nagging of the same voice doesn't seem to help.

ARG!!!!

Lead

I just got my first lead on thumbtack.com! I'm not quite sure what to do so I've decided to investigate a bit before I make a decision on how I want to communicate.

I have a photo shoot tomorrow so I hope it goes well. To be honest it would be great if the model could just buy something. Shes a doll for this favor but all that work and time and not even a gloss or foundation bought. What to do!

I just need something to keep me going. My spirits are a bit down today and I would love a bit of cheering up.

Total remains: $20

Confusion

I've been doing some research on professional airbrush machines. I'm not familiar with any of them. What machine do I pick? What are pods for? Is one machine superior than the other?
Is it worth investing in airbrushing? I've had the pleasure of using all kinds of foundations and brushes. I've tried different techniques that give an airbrushed effect. Mostly I blend till I can't blend anymore. I like to keep my work realistic. Most of my customers want to be able to do what I just did at home. If I have an airbrush machine they wouldn't get the same results so should I just reserve it for special occasions?

So many questions and so little money.

$20 in my school fund.

Thumbtack.com

I've just discovered this website called thumbtack.com. It looks like a great way to advertise locally and maybe get some business! I really hope this works! This website helps people find and book trustworthy local services. So even if your not looking for a makeup artist like myself I'm sure anyone can find anything they're looking for. Be sure to check it out!

Professional Makeup & Photography


Also feel free to check me out at....    www.ambarvartistry.com

Thanks!

Oh dear...

I did it. It's official... my school fund is at $20.

How the hell did I let this happen?

I can't even think...what am I supposed to do?

I've also had my website up for a few weeks now.

Would you do me a favor and check it out? I'd love your opinion.

www.ambarvartistry.com

Thanks!

Dip

It looks like I'm going to have to dip into my school fund. I haven't been this broke in years.

So is it worth staying negative in my account? Or should I just use everything I have left?

I seriously need money!

Getting my shit together

I finally launched my website! I can't tell you how excited I am! Please, please visit my site! I'm so proud of it and looking to get even more models involved. I also bought new business cards that look AWESOME!!! They look professional and that's exactly the message I want to convey to my customers. Now I'm ready for marketing. Only thing is...I have no idea what to do. Any suggestions?

My schedule of events has increased this week. I'm getting the opportunity to learn this Thursday. Its only a few hours but its certainly going to help me this weekend as I'm working a special event and have the privilege of learning from a national makeup artist. I'm really nervous. This person is going to be critiquing my work. I just hope that I posses enough skill to kick some ass and impress! Wish me luck!

Total remains: $382

I know it'll move up a bit this week!

Bad can sometimes be good

Even though my week started out pretty grim it gave me just the kick in the ass I needed to get going. I didn't just sit back and let all that negativity engulf me. I embraced it and used it to get back on track. I got a phone call on Friday afternoon from a nice lady that just wanted to pick up a few things. As the call progressed I managed to book a session where her and some girlfriends could sit, relax, and enjoy an afternoon of pampering. It was AMAZING! I forgot how much fun it was. I certainly never expected to do as well as I did. I even got a booking out of it! Now, I know I said I wasn't going to spend any of the money I made as a consultant and only put it towards school but in order to make money I have to spend money. So I've decided to replace some inventory, buy the domain to my website, and get brand new business cards with my company name on it. What a relief! I thought it was never going to happen. I guess it took someone assaulting me and confronting them for me to finally get over the fear of rejection. I hate it when I have to learn a lesson the hard way, but I'm glad I did.

With that said, its probably best that I spend the money accordingly. I still haven't figured out how to take money out of my propay account. I did make $15 in cash so in it goes!

New Total: $382

I certainly hope this week goes great! Maybe I'll go to the gym and meet new people....

Worst Day

I had a seriously fucked up day. My boss shoved me in front of customers. I confronted him and instead of immediately apologizing he says he didn't realize he pushed me that hard. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? Who the fuck do you think you are? You have no business touching me. I don't even know what to make of it but his apology was BULLSHIT! He just said it because he had nothing else better to say. All I know is I'm sick of the hostile working environment and the daily abuse. I don't need that. I QUIT!

I needed to spend more time on my business. Now I really need to get to work.

Cosmetic rants

I need to get off my ass and do something! Everyday is the same, nothing changes. Everyday I think and wonder what it would have been like if I got up and out. Not to work, or anywhere important but just away from the house enjoying the day. I wonder if that's even possible. What would I do? Since I've just paid off my last credit card I don't have any extra money to spend. There has to be some free things I can do, right? I better figure this out soon. I can't sit around and wait for life I need to dive into it.

I did get an opportunity to deliver product to a customer! I'm really excited! I even asked if she'd like to have a party, so we decided on mid-March. I can't wait! I know my schedule's going to start getting busier but I can sure use an opportunity where I get to do what I love! I remember why I stopped. I was scared and unhappy with my results. Everyone judging and holding my product choices against me. Who died and made you the Queen of all cosmetics? I understand brand loyalty but a simple 'no' would have worked. What I forgot was regardless of what they thought, I should have just kept pushing forward. For every negative there's a positive...Right?

What I do understand is jealousy. I'm a great make-up artist and I can use any brand to make anyone look good! To be honest, it doesn't matter what brand you choose as long as your happy with your choices. No one walks up to you off the street and asks if your wearing a certain brand and color. Guess what? 'No one knows!' Only you know what you have on! So why would you scoff at my choices? Are you trying to make yourself feel better? As far as I'm concerned you can keep your comments to yourself. I didn't ask you.

Whew! I certainly hope this new found confidence stays with me.

NEW TOTAL: $367

Stupid weather

I was supposed to have a very important meeting with my boss today. Unfortunately when I woke up my roof was being disturbed by a huge storm. Since my trip was suppose to take 2 hours, I decided to stay home and avoid the speeding big rigs and crazies that haven't figured out how to drive in the rain yet. I'm pretty sure I have a fear of driving in the rain. Then around 2:30pm the clouds parted, the sky looked blue, and a little glimmer of sun came right out. What crap! I was really looking forward to going out. What I still have a hard time understanding is how come every other day of the year its dry and sunny and when I finally decide to do something other than go to work it rains!
I certainly hope tomorrow gets better. I get to drop off product to a customer! I'm so excited! That's one more dollar that I get to put away for school. If only I could figure out how to get more business. I have all this knowledge and time. I've tried word of mouth, Facebook, personal website but nothing. I'm not a very pushy sales person which I thought was good but now I'm not so sure. What to do? I can't possibly be this hopeless...can I?

Ugh! Here's to getting out of my own way...

Total: $234 (I'm hoping its more tomorrow)

Sick

I've been really sick for the past few days. I had someone cover for me at work last night, I went in today and only made it 2 hours before I started having cold sweats and dizzy spells. I wish I stayed to make some money but I'm glad I had to come home. Thank goodness for my sisters chicken soup. It was so good!
I got a phone call this morning from a wonderful woman wanting me to join her team as a makeup artist. I'm so excited! I also received an online order from an old customer! Some days are great and some not so much but I just know I can turn it around! It's not much but its better than nothing.
I also have a very important meeting this week that will determine the rest of the month for me. I just hope it goes well.

I want a new total! I started reading this book about affirmations. I'm hoping it certainly helps.

Total: $234

All over the place!

I know my last post was a little depressing and since then I've cheered myself up and have become so busy I not only forgot to blog but have been working DOUBLE!
I went on a trip with my sister and was lucky enough to get a photoshoot done! I got two models and one kid! Whew!
I even made a little bit of cash for school! Its not much but certainly better than looking at the same damn total! I also realized that even though I'm having troubles at work being there has helped me. One of my regular customers hooked me up with an opportunity to use my skills! I got a girl ready for a special event and not only was it fun but lucrative! I certainly hope there is more to come!

New Total: $234

I also forgot to mention that I finally paid off my last credit card! I have less money than usual which wasn't much to begin with but it's nice not owing a credit card company. Now I just have to sell everything in my storage unit, pay off my vehicle, and build a savings account. When does fiscal responsibility end?

Cooper

I've spent the last 4 days thinking about a dear friend that I miss dearly. He was the unfortunate victim of a stabbing and died violently. There's not a day that I don't think about him and wonder what his life would have been like if he had chosen a different path. He was so angry. Down on his luck but still an all around bad-ass. (or at least that what he wanted me to believe) When I think about him I almost completely shut down I don't cry anymore but a little piece of me isn't coming back. I was never more motivated to get things done when he was around. He pushed me to be better. But now I feel worse.

I miss you...

Crossroads

Eh! I'm doing it again! I'm at a crossroads and have no idea what to do. I always imagine my life would turn out a certain way. Then here I come changing my mind again. No wonder no one ever believes me when I announce a possible change. I just can't seem to make up my mind. Trying to accomplish so many things at once has inhibited me from getting anywhere. The easy solution would be just to pick one and never look back but unfortunately my mind doesn't work that way. I'll start to wonder about those other paths I chose not to take and if they were any better. I really suck at making decisions.

Now, it took me a few days but today I decided to do get off my ass and get a bit organized. I have all these product samples laying around. So I went ahead and got all of them together, put them in pretty packaging, and now some of them are ready for networking!!! I had the perfect opportunity to network today and I didn't take it. It was like I was standing outside my body watching myself not talk to this really nice lady about what I do! REALLY AMBAR! I looks like I'm one of those people that lets life pass her by.

I'm not sure if I'm any closer to my goal....

Still at $100

Waiting

I sucked it up and went through some old customer profiles. I sent out 7 messages hoping to hear something back and nothing. I was told that for every 5 people contacted 1 would answer. What a load of shit! I would have even been ok with a 'no' response so I can try to get some referrals but I guess that's just asking for too much. It's like I'm in social Siberia. Emails, phone calls, and texts have all gone unanswered. What the fuck! Really!?! Don't come to me when you realize 'Oh yeah! I still have Ambar!' One, that's fucked up. Two, go find someone else to listen to how bad things are. I'm either in your life or out of it. You can't just use me whenever you feel like it! I thought I purged myself of all the user idiots out there but I guess I was wrong. Is it too much to ask for acknowledgement? How about, I got your message...sorry I've been busy but will get back to you ASAP. If you have 5 minutes to take a shit then you should have 2 seconds to respond to a text. Well, I guess I'm just not important enough on the totem pole of lame ass crap you have going on in your life. Thanks...thanks for nothing...

On the bright side...I did get a response back from an email I sent out 6 days ago! It's not much but at least I may have an opportunity to work with a clothing designer! How exciting! Her work is pretty amazing and I can't wait to get the opportunity to work with her! Who knows what comes of it! I really just hope that I get to expand my portfolio and maybe get paid. It would also help if I got a chance to hold at least 3 skincare classes a week. Doing that would allow me to make at least $400 in sales! That's between $160-$200 in my pocket! Who wouldn't love that? Maybe tomorrow I'll meet someone or get a response back and just like that I'm booked for the next 2 weeks! Here's hoping! I know it can happen, it's happened before. What's changed now?

Either way, I still have 2 photoshoots that I need to do. My first model got sick and overcast messed up my 2nd shoot. I really need to get these done!

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

$100....

Filter

I feel like I've had a filter in front of my face for the last 2 days. Everything looks so fuzzy and I keep seeing two of everything. One would think that I've had a 48 hour bender but no. Friday started out with a doctor's appointment, followed by taking my mom to work, a haircut, then getting called in to work early. I wouldn't have gone if I didn't already have to be there later that evening. Of course within the first hour there was a bit of bullshit. This idiot bartender thought he could once again pull a fast one. This time my boss was partially on my side so it allowed me to do my job. Who the hell does he think he is? I'm not sure if he knows this but you can't do my job and yours at the same time. You don't have super powers and if your that strapped for cash then get another fucking job and stop trying to take my money!!! The evening quickly ended after the only party I had left and an old friend walked through the door. Grievances and concerns were shared and then back to pretending like it never happened. I remember when a text would be answered in a matter of minutes and now they are seldom returned. I think it's time I surround myself with people that are capable of communicating in real time.

Saturday was filled with less questions and more answers. My dad finally figured out why he smokes so much! He has idle time. I suggested looking for a new hobby but he gave me a look so instead I asked him for a ride to the sprint store to get my phone back on track. I was sent a text message from June 4, 2018. Unfortunately, I didn't get a message from the future telling me how my life is. I wonder if I'm still broke? I do know, I got the night off so I headed to my watering hole and was bored out of my mind! 1 hour, 2 beers, and no interesting conversations lead to me back at home with a plate of my sister's cooking. It was good! Then off to bed!

I was supposed to have a photoshoot today! But overcast got in the way...yet again. If I had money, I would have had an awesome lighting system that wouldn't require me to use natural lighting. But I don't so I'm stuck. I live in one of the sunniest places and of course on the day I choose to do some work I get stuck on the couch watching 'A Haunting' with my sister until the Golden Globes started.

Now, I'm in my room trying to reacquaint myself with some education that I shouldn't have forgotten. I still have so much to learn and feel like I have no time. Inside, I'm in a rush wanting to get to my destination but on the outside I'm stuck. My feet are planted in the ground and I can't move. I desperately want to move but I'm frozen. How do I get my feet up and moving? How do I get out of my own way? I'm having such a hard time letting go of the fear.

I'm still broke...$100...$21,900 to go

Cold

Well, it was too cold for the photoshoot to take place today. Maybe next week...maybe  never...I have no idea whats going to happen next. What I do know is I have a tentative shoot on Sunday so here's hoping!

I'm so full right now, I can hardly think, and today is the coldest I've been in well over a year.

I'm going to get warm and get to bed. I don't even care if its early.

Goodnight.

Still...$100

Exhausted

I thought I didn't have to go into work today, but I'm glad I did. I don't get to go in tomorrow but I made more tonight than I made in 2 days last week. I bet if I worked tomorrow I would have made even more! Oh well!

My photoshoot had to be reschedule for tomorrow. I just hope the cold front coming in doesn't mess it up. There's this really nice wall full of graffiti and if it's too cold my model won't want to work.

Other than that, I've got one order of lipstick to fill and more leads to find. My motivational CDs are certainly helping! I just need to get over my fear (easier said than done)! I'm wearing my pin though...it can be a helpful icebreaker right?

Ugh! I'm so exhausted! My back gave out at work and now I can't seem to get up from my couch! I'm gonna take some motrin and tylenol and get some sleep.

Goodnight!

Still $100...

Progress

It feels great to inch my way up a bit. I communicated with many people today and even though I'm waiting for responses it still feels good.

One response has lead to having a photoshoot tomorrow! I'm so excited! I have all these ideas and I can't decide which one to do. All I know is this is going to be another chance to get more practice and have a bigger portfolio!
I also might have another photoshoot on Sunday! A girl I met at work is doing me a huge favor by helping me out! Even though I'm not getting paid yet I know having an impressive website is going to help me achieve my goals!

Now, I know I've been wishy washy about my future for as long as I can remember but I'm tired of being asked if I'm sure this is what I want to do. I understand that I suck at making decisions but everytime I try something new I always seem to come back to this. I never stopped loving what I do and just because I haven't made a zillion dollars doing it doesn't mean that it won't pay off eventually. I have a string of odd jobs to help me pay my bills. Start worrying about me when I hit you up for money! Until then...just stand back and give me moral support. If you cant well...don't let the door hit you on the way out!

Besides proving myself to everyone including myself...I've had a pretty productive day. I'm getting supplies ready and equipment set up. Also, had time for an oil change! Whew!

Emails have been sent, phone calls have been made and now I just need more leads! It's time to get off my ass and meet new people! I can't get a 'yes' if I never ask! So, wish me luck!

Tomorrow's going to be fun!

Still...$100 :(

Uncomfortable

I've been so uncomfortable for the past few days. I've had on going issues with my stomach and its slowly starting to feel better.

Unfortunately, I haven't been able to work so not much is getting done on the money saving end. On the bright side...I've been doing a lot of reading and improving my education so I can be ready for anything!

I got up today and ran a few errands. It was really good to get me out of the house but, I didn't talk to anyone or promote myself. I did manage to put some make-up on and look somewhat presentable. I know I should've tried talking to people but I'm really scared of failing so I just kept to myself.

There I go...getting in my own way again. What's the worse that can happen? Someone say 'NO'? I should realize I can only win, but I feel like I'm losing every time I approach someone. I don't want to come off as pushy or aggressive but if I never take a chance I won't make any money either.

I used to be one of those people that never cared what anyone thought. Only thing is...I'm in the people business. If someone doesn't like what I have to sell...should I care? Or just move on?

Obviously, lost of questions came about these last few days....If only I knew what to do.

What should I do?

Total is still $100.... I'm going to need some help.

Its almost up and running!

I spent the whole day working on my new website! I can't say that I made any money but I can say I feel pretty great about working it out. I'm excited about buying my own domain and getting new business cards made. I'm really hoping this helps boost business!

I found another photo to retouch and as great as that was I know I still need more photos. I'm thinking about making another model mayhem page or possibly getting some help from Craigslist. I can't decide what's better...getting help from strangers or people I know? What do you think? Either way, it has to get done.

I also realized that I not only need help with time management but have even more trouble with organization. I have all these little pieces of paper laying around. I can't even remember why I saved them or understand the information on them. Every phone number received tossed away when I know it was a possible lead on another project. Oh dear Lord...What's my problem!?!

I need a plan... a 100% get off my ass and do something plan. But where do I start?

Well tomorrow is another day!

Still...$100

I SUCK at time management!

I spent today watching motivational videos and editing photos. I'm in such a rush to get my website up and running. I continue looking through every photo because maybe I missed one and then I realize that I should just get more models. It takes me about 2 hours to get hair and makeup just right. The photo shoots only takes a few minutes. All that work for just a few minutes it sometimes doesn't seem worth it. But then I see the final product and... it was so worth it!

What I should have done is leave the house. I was supposed to go to the bank then go with the flow, instead I stayed home. What a missed opportunity to make money. See even I know that I could have made something of today. What's my problem exactly? Why is that when I have a million things to do I try to fit everything else into my day? Then when I have the time off...I do nothing! I have such a hard time getting my priorities straight and basically getting started.

On the bright side, I sent out as many emails as I could asking my former clients if there's anything I can do for them. Only one answered with a "not right now but I'll call you if I do" and everyone else I guess is ignoring me. I don't know about anyone else but I would love it if someone offered me a beauty makeover with a photo shoot! What does anyone have to lose?

I'm a firm believer that I'm way ahead of my time. I love the art of transforming someones face. Make you look like you never thought you could. The problem is...most don't think outside the box and are scared of change.

But what if the change I show you can be easier, faster, and beautiful?

Any thoughts?

Current Goal Total: Still $100...

Motivational CD

I'm feeling loads better today! Work ran smoothly and I even managed to make a few dollars!

I'm starting to feel like I can do anything as long as I keep a positive attitude. (much easier said than done) I know it sounds corny but I started listening to a motivational CD during my drive today. I'm not quite 100% but I'm sure to get there. I forgot what it was to put positive affirmation out into the world and have it come back. I miss that feeling you get when the phone rings and (BAM!) I have a job! I used to get a rush out of being a beauty consultant, the happiness on faces when they realize their faces look and feel great. Oh, the money I made! I remember in 2 days I walked away with over $1000 in retail sales. If I could just have that every week!  I guess I've just figured out what my new goal should be.

I've worked a plan out for my new website! I have a few edited photos and I still need to do more but it's certainly coming along. Not only am I doing beauty portraits but I'm also retaking photos of a portfolio I made 10 years ago. I'm really hoping it turns out well! Other than that, I'm doing a lot of networking at work, passing out my cards, and just trying to stay accessible. I really hope to hear back from them soon. Good news, two people have already agreed to help me build my portfolio! I'm so excited!

Well, tomorrow is my day off so I'm hoping to get much more work done!

Current Goal Total: $100

Speeding

I actually thought today was going to be very uneventful. Little did I know that on my way to work I'd be pulled over and given a speeding ticket... boy am I bummed. The police officer wasn't mean so it didn't make the experience completely horrible. I even managed to keep my comments to myself and go on my way.

Work was as usual a complete waste of time. I made just enough to fill up half my tank. It's to bad I'll use it up tomorrow just to get back to work. I have a sneaking suspicion that my IQ is dropping little by little everyday. Not to say that I'm the brightest crayon in the box but I'd like to keep whatever I can. Haha!

In the meantime, I managed to do more online job searches today. Resume on hand, I really like not having to hit the pavement to find work. I can get so much more done at home. Unfortunately, I'm still waiting to hear back from prospective employers. Good thing I don't mind the suspense.

I did decide how I'm going to use the money I make! Anything I get from work will solely go to my bills. Any money made as a photographer, makeup artist, and beauty consultant will go directly into my JAR! It's so nice to have a plan. Now, I just have to stick with it!

Current Goal Total: $100

I need MONEY!!!

It's only the second day of the year and as usual... I need money.
Besides the everyday expenditures like bills, I have a goal that is meeting a brick wall at every turn. 
I'm trying to earn as much as I can to go to school. I need about 22K and I only have $100 in my glass jar. The 22K only covers tuition and fees so I'd still need another 20k for living expenses. I'm not sure how I'm going to get it but I've never felt so good about having a GOAL!

Now, I've been working at this restaurant for the last couple of months and I've basically been making enough money just to get to work and back. I'm sick of having to pay just to go to work! The whole point of me doing this specific job was to move into the bar-tending position that was allegedly open. Four new hires later and nothing! I wasn't even in the running! What the fuck do I look like!?! I fucking idiot! Well if it was so easy to get what you think to be an experienced bartender then I'm sure it'll be just as easy to find someone to fill my position. I'd rather be doing something constructive like continued education, instead of paying to work.

So as of right now, I'm currently looking for a full time job so I can put as much money in savings as I can. I've applied just about everywhere and now all I can do is wait. In the meantime, I really have to figure out how to make some extra money.

Any suggestions?

Besides my current job I'm also a working
- Professional Makeup artist
- Photographer
- Beauty consultant

We'll see what happens...

Current Goal Total: $100